Monday, September 14, 2009


I feel like i haven't posted in forever. I finally was just trying to catch up on reading about everyone's lives on here :) Life has been good. It's been five months since my life got turned upside down and just in he last month i can finally feel change. I had never felt so hurt,or sad in my life. I couldn't even understand what that pain felt like until i endured it myself. You always hear the term "heartbreak" but it never really means anything..... well now i know. I could barely pull myself out of bed everything, i was horrible to my family, my poor mom got it the worst. I cried everyday, it was like i couldn't even begin to see a way out.

Things have changed though. I feel happy again. I dont cry anymore and when i do its just because i miss my little lovies Daisy and Bentley :) I finally just accepted the fact that they will not be mine now, or in the future... but that they do have a wonderful life with Jin Ho.

I definitely dont want to date anytime soon.. but i can finally feel open to the idea of boys again which has been super fun.

I have the BEST friends in the entire world and without them i wouldnt be where i am! They really pulled through for me and i couldnt be any more thankful. i love you guys.

School has been great. Fall semester has been horribly kicking my ass so i decided its time for me to kick it in to high gear. I need to get better grades and apply myself more. I start at Sierra Vista this friday and although im nervous.. im so excited. I start in Mother Baby and peds. wish me luck :)

life is fabulous. im welcoming myself back to it. haha.

Friday, August 21, 2009

sometimes i would rather be in school.

there are so many good aspects of my life right now. Im learning so many new things, im reconnecting with so many important friends, i get to watch my niece and nephew grow up on a daily basis... im doing something so so great for myself ( which may not seem like it now, but in the long run definitely).... i could go on and on about all of the things i am thankful for.. but there's just something.

somethings not right, maybe its the fact that i spend all of my time studying and i feel like im missing out on living.. or possibly the fact that although i do appreciate living at home right now tremendously, i dont love it. Its not because its not a great location or space.. it just doesn't feel like home for me. I want to have my own little spot again where i can make it my own and have my quiet time to myself without having to explain what im doing and where im going every time i leave.

Maybe its just my hormones. There are a few new things going on in my body i just found out about that could definitely be effecting me.

Im not quite sure yet.. all i know is that if there was one thing i could do right now it would be ice skating in new york while it snows at night time. Or to walk down the streets of Seattle downtown while its windy and snowing so much and so cold that it hurts.

or love?- ugh ew!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

im so boring!

Two more days and im out of my first semester of nursing school . I cant believe it flew by so fast. I have learned so much in these last three months its nuts. I love it, i cant wait until i can be hands on daily with people.

Summer has been good. I have been hanging out and doing as much as i can with friends outside of school. I went and saw Black eyed peas at the fair and it was amazing!!! so much fun! on the down side i came home today (and im in FINALS right now keep in mind til Thursday), and i got a really bad headache , laid, down, and had the chills like every 3 minuts for a good 3 hours. So im hoping im not getting terribly ill. I need to be feeling good for the next couple of days especially Thursday for my skills final.

ps im so boring!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

bla bla bla NURSING SCHOOL

i decided im doing things for me now. From here on out i HAVE to do the right things for myself to make it through this next year at least! This week was rough, two exams, two quizes, catheter demo and gi tubes. I now just need to get through two more long days of clinic and then its the weekend!! cant wait! Today was my first good day in a long time. I finally woke up today and felt like i didnt care. I know that might sound really bad... but theres something to it. A big part of nursing school is the stress and anxiety that comes along with it.. and each day i wake up with so much anxiety about what im going to be demonstrating.. or learning... or giving a speech, or having meetings with my instructors and it just creates so many more problems then needed. So for me to go into the day with a positive care free attitude ready to learn and conquer felt so good. Everything just went smooth. Im hoping for more days like this!

On a better note, i GOT OUT TONIGHT! i went to the SM fair with some ladies and saw Boyz 2 Men. ummm amazzzing!!! It felt so get to get out of the house i started feeling terribly isolated.

ps sorry if i talk about nursing school so much but its just all i know anymore these days... im single, no kids, no social life... just nursing school.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

exciting day

Ive been in clinic for eight weeks now and up until today i sort of was.... well .... a little bored! I mean its a lot of work , don't get me wrong... they overload you as it is... but i wanted excitement and boy did i get it today! My mornings start at 6am and im on the floor by six fifteen. This morning started out with my first deceased body viewing! Im a little weird i guess you could say considering all i wanted to do was assess the whole thing from top to bottom! I couldn't though because the family was going to come in for a last goodbye. Weve already been trained in post mortem care in school, but i wasn't sure exactly how i was going to react to the actual real experience. I knew it wouldn't gross me out, cause there's really only a few things that gross me out..but there's always that weird lingering fear and unknown of death that made me a little hesitant. Turns out i was fine! It just felt normal. Like a natural part of life. It was sort of funny because there were a couple girls in clinic that were freaking out about it and didn't even want to go in! I honestly saw it, assessed it and forgot about it like ten minutes later and went on with my day!

So at about eight o clock one of my patients was eating breakfast and started seizing. So we quickly gave her a shot and waited to see if it eased up... well it did a little bit, but fifteen minutes later she started getting worse. Unfortunately, the nurse on staff wasn't really paying much attention to it, maybe because i was her student nurse and she knew i would be in there? i dont know.. im just trying not to make her look bad. haha. I finally decided to go and get my instructor because it just wasn't sitting right with me. After having my instructor assess the situation she decided that it needed to be taken to the next level of care. After that things got a little bit out of control. The patient started coding and we had to get her stable real quick! It felt weird to actually be " the nurse" and not just someone who is watching in the situation! It was so fascinating watching all of the different signs and symptoms of someone who is probably going to die,and fast. I had to be on my toes and act fast. I wont go into the details of everything that happened after that because its probably all boring medical jargon but by the time i left she was doing o.k.

My instructor bragged about me at the end of the day it was weird... i almost wanted to cry because i feel like im such the underdog considering almost everyone in the class already has some sort of background in health care. She also pulled me aside and told me she thinks im going to make a great nurse. I needed that.

I finally felt like it was all really happening today, as much as i want everyone to be healthy and save them.. its things like this that inspire me to learn and grow and become the nurse that i want to be.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

new post.

i know i haven't written on here for a long time, but my life has basically gone to shit since i started nursing school. Things have been o.k lately. Not great. Nursing school is like nothing Ive ever experienced before. Its a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes its great and im so excited to be learning all of these interesting things, then the next second i could be hysterically crying.

Clinical has been an interesting journey as well. I had a patient last week who changed my life. Shes an 89 yr old female who's chart said "combative", well turned out that was the least of my problems. I went in to wake her up in the morning and assess her and it immediately started.

screaming, punching , kicking, pinching, throwing things... you name it, she did it.
Frail, mean, nasty old lady.

I was determined though, i was not even about to give up. Although she thought she could do everything herself?, she needed help. Dementia was her main diagnosis and a lot of them think they live their lives totally independent when the truth is they are completely dependent. Therefor she didn't think she needed help nor wanted it. It took me and one other girl to get her ready and up in her w/c 45 minutes later. So finally we got her off to breakfast but i knew i had to go back in and ask her questions and assess her. Well, that didn't go over so well either! More fighting and name calling... but towards the end she started becoming a little vulnerable. Turns out she has to eat all of her meals in her room because shes no longer allowed in the dining room due to being combative to the other patients. So i would go in and sit with her while she ate, whether she liked it or not. I wanted to find out a little bit more about her life, if she had family, if she was married... etc. Well it turned out her husband had died many years ago, she had no children, no grand children and no one visits her. She sits in her room , all day, by herself, doesn't watch tv, and doesn't have any hobbies.

Turned out the more time i spent with her, the more she would enjoy my company and be a little more accepting of me. Well i had her for a couple long days and by the end, i loved her. In such a short period of time she taught me so many different things about how i want to live my life. She truly truly is just so lonely and sad that she takes it out by being mean to everyone around her. The more time is spent with her, the happier she was. She started telling me how she enjoys my company, and how she has spent so many meals alone that she likes me to come sit with her. I dont have her as my patient anymore, but i still go visit her. Today i stayed an extra hour at clinic just to go sit and talk with her. She claimed she remembered me, but i dont think she did :) but she sure was happy to have me in there spending time with her. Sometimes i wish i could just write in her care plan to have someone go visit with her for an hour every day i could almost guarantee that it would make the rest of her life just a little bit better. I love her, and i hope to spend as much time with her as i can before im through with my work there because if theres one thing i want to walk away with, its knowing that i made a difference in someones life while i was there.

As lonely, and sad, and happy, and miserable, and hysterical nursing has left me...
ultimately it has changed me , and for the better. and i plan on being the best i can be when this is all said and done.oh and having a life again :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

each new day.

Turns out i did really good on my speech, im way excited. If you know me, you know how much i LOATHE public speaking. My voice starts shaking, i cant pronounce words correctly, my cards are shaking in my hands... its just a hot mess. For some weird reason i just felt totally fine. I rolled through it like i had done it a million times! This weekend was ok. Although tonight is technically my Sat night.. but it sort of sucks because everyone has to work tomorrow so i don't end up doing anything. I have been better... not crying every ten minutes on the dot... but i do still feel lonely. Tonight especially.. i moved into a new room in my parents house thats way bigger so i have more space.. but its also a little scary for me. I guess all i want in life right now is some normalcy.. if that's a word! Im tired of moving and feeling scared and uncomfortable. A little part of me wishes that i still lived on Palm st in SLO because although it was crowded and loud and at times terrible, at least it was still all familiar to me. Its so weird how i lived in this house for years and years, yet tonight i feel like its my first night all over again. I like change, but not change like this.

Each new day brings new beginnings, and things are getting a little bit better.

Last night my moms dog ran away. Her baby. We were up all night looking for her til 4 in the morning. I seriously dont even think that my mom slept. Then early this morning she went around posting signs everywhere. Today we took a walk and i drove up and down the street, up all of the driveways and nothing. Still nothing. It just doesnt seem real. My mom has been crying on and off all day i feel so bad for her. I feel like ive been such a wreck and shes been so good to me, and now i dont know how to support her. They are also remodeling the whole front of the house and its a crazy mess in there. I KNOW that stresses her out. I just feel really, really bad and i wish i could make her feel better.

Thats all for now.

Friday, June 19, 2009

pretty shitty

i feel lost and scared and lonely. How can you care for someone whos in end stage cancer when you feel like your whole world is closing in around you. I held back tears multiple times today at clinical telling myself over and over again - you can do this, you can do this. Jin Ho told me today hes not happy with me. So once again im back in my parents house permanently until i graduate and make some money. I just feel so hurt and angry. I feel betrayed and stupid. As much as i can tell myself over and over again that time heals all wounds, i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. i just am in such a sensitive state right now with the stress of nursing school, and with both things collaborating i sort of feel like dying. Today this thought actually crossed my mind- sometimes i wish i could die.. but everyone around me would be super sad... so what if instead of dying i just want someone to take over my life, that way i wouldn't be gone physically, it will just be like i changed. sad right? I just was feeling so comfortable and happy with life and feeling focused and accomplished and now its just all over. On my drive home today i couldnt figure out how i was going to give my speech tomorrow in front of clinic, on top of everything else. Times like these make me never want to get out of bed so im really going to need to pull it together. Tomorrow is probably going to be one of the longest slowest days of my life.

Living with my parents doesnt help at all either. I pulled up to the house today and just sat outside for a good half hour trying to get up the courage to come inside, knowing that my parents were going to see my red glassy eyes and ask me twenty questions. I finally did and decided to just come into my "room" were i cried for a good 2 or 3 hours and finally fell asleep. Now im awake and i cant even explain how i feel. Sitting in this room where theres no substance of anything remotely normal. Quiet, no dogs( which i cant EVEN begin to talk about because i cry just thinking about my babies)small, and feeling trapped like i cant walk outside of my room because everyone will stare at me.

Its a nightmare and i wish i could just fast forward and not feel like this anymore. I should be thankful for the things that i DO have. Its just hard at the moment.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.

this means a lot to me.
happy wife, happy life.

You do the math.

Friday, June 12, 2009

today was my first day of clinical. I was soooo scared walking in. My first initial reaction was to run the hell out of that place. haha. I mean its just things you don't normally see or experience. I wont go over all of the different things that happened, but when i walked out from my first day i felt excited and ambitious. So thats good. Tomorrow we shall see what happends!!

On a another note, i went to go pick up the dogs from happy tails and on the way home i just wanted some silence when all of the sudden i hear something thrashing around in the backseat. So i turn out really quick to see what was going on and DAISY HAD ROLLED HER UP IN THE WINDOW basically choking herself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im like still in complete shock over it. So i immediatly rolled the window down and shes ok... but seriously???????????? what would i have done if i had music on and didnt hear her????? CHILD LOCK will be on from now on when i have them back there!!!!!! ugh . i just cant even believe it.


becoming a nurse is really hard for me because yes im mature bla bla bla,
but there are just some things that are really, really hard not to laugh at. Ill let your imagination run.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

feeling like i want to jump off a cliff

i dont normally talk about anything when im feeling emotional and upset, but this time im going to because i feel like i have no one to talk to right now and i just want to let it all out. Since Ive started nursing school ive been feeling all sorts of different emotions. At times im so happy and i still cant believe that i am actually going to be a nurse and accomplish a HUGE goal .. and then at times ive never ever felt so alone and miserable. Its such a crazy rollercoaster.

Sometimes ive never felt so embarassed and mortified, and sometimes just want to have a complete mental breakdown! and at times i feel soo good knowing im going to be able to help people and make their lives better. But Right now i just feel an overwhelming sick feeling in my whole body. Its like they are all enmeshed into one emotion. Its like everything starts spiraling down and is triggered by another thing. Its weird because while ive been in school for this short period so far, a basic thing you learn to critically think about is how everything stems from something else. ( in the physical body) and trying to figure out where the core problem is, and right now i feel like its happening in my life!

Ive been feeling like i dont have any support in my life.. and that may just be me being ultra sensitive but the best support and encouragement ive had so far is all the way in Seattle. I also have been feeling like my friends have been crapping on me. Maybe its because they think im so busy that they cant invite me to do anything? or call me? I dont know.

All i know is that the way that ive been feeling is something that ive never expierenced before. I know that its all a growing and learning expierence and that i will make it to the end, i just need to figure out how to get there. Im so exhausted. Beyond exhausted. My back hurts all day long maybe from sitting in lecture for eight hours or from just being over stressed. i dont know. I also have been having major chest pains that start from my upper back and shoot all the way forward in through my chest. i just love that!

I know that they dont make it easy, or else everyone would do it. And i know that they try and weed out the people that arent commited.... but sometimes i think its too much. I think its too much when you go to school for 9 hours and have a quiz that day and then have to come home and study for five more hours for the quiz the next morning. I think its too much when you have to leave school at 5 to go prep for patients at your clinical site and then come home study, and get up at 4 the next morning to be at clinical by 5 am.

Do i think its not possible? no.

will i give up ? no.

will i succeed ? yes.

I will be a nurse, and i will be good at it and someday im going to be able to look back on this whole expierence and be so thankful that i stuck with it cause i know its going to pay off.

Lately ive just been feeling the need for life/school balance. Please. someone teach me how to find that.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

i started

well this is my first week of nursing school and i love it. Dont get me wrong, im exhausted and incredibly stressed out. The days are eight hour long days five days a week, not including some clinical that you have to be there at 6 in the morning just jam packed full of information. They basically just slam you into everything on the first day and by the time the day was over i started understanding what all of the "scare" was about. I also realized that i am basically the underdog in the class considering almost everyone in there except for a few of us are already cna's or medical assistants.. which is not a nurse, or liscened, but it does give them an upperhand in some areas because most of them have already worked somewhere in healthcare. BUT i am not by any means going to let that bother me!!! We have to demonstrate every single thing we learn infront of an instructor individually and i was struggeling a little bit today because its terribly nerve racking so i stayed afterwards to get a little more help one on one, i find that building a relationship with your instructor and getting more help is definitely something i need to be successful. School does NOT come easy for me, and never has. I struggeled in middle school and in highschool as well, but i found that when i started college the more i applied myself and worked HARD, i was succeeding. SO I NOW KNOW , that if i put myself to the test and study hard, apply myself and give it everything ive got things start turning up.

Anyways, just thought i would try and update every now and then about how its all going. So far so good. I have my first day of clinical tomorrow! yikes... but fun. im definitely into the more hands on part of the whole thing!

Monday, May 11, 2009


Im in the last week of school right now and im flipping out. I have developed chest pains, a blinking issue, and stomach problems because of it! haha. Its true. I start nursing school in a matter of weeks... ugh. I should be so so excited but i think because of all of the reading they have assigned BEFORE school even starts .. its hard. I got my first two pairs of scrubs which was weird and exciting! Something funny for all of you that watch Greys Anatomy.. While i was trying on fifty pairs of scrubs trying to figure out which ones were the most comfertable i came across a lab jacket that was super cute and stylish! Well i was required to have one so i checked out the brand and low and behold it was made by Katherine Heigle! apparently the actress that plays the role of a doctor makes a line of scrubs! i thought that was funny. Anyways i got one that looks just like the one she wears on the show :) i really liked it!

Its all becoming very real and im freaked out!! Other than that im just trying to live it up before i have to crack down and lifes been great :)

oh and ps. i joined twitter! add me

Sunday, April 19, 2009

things i miss

So, lately you could say i haven't been feeling "quite myself" ... meaning FAT!! so instead of feeling sorry for myself every single time i glance in a mirror, im going to do all of the things i used to love doing! A couple summers ago i started exploring things outside of my bubble to lose weight such as, hiking bishops at least twice a week, running stairs, ,no soda, discovered my favorite skinny beverage- diet peach snapple, and basically fell in love with lean cuisines and all of those fabulous diet frozen meals. I will also admit that i love tanning ( both outside and in the beds shhhhhh) cause any smart girl knows it hides ugly parts of the body!

Since i start nursing shcool in a month and my life is going to be forever changed, i decided now is the time. I also was incredibly inspired by this beautiful weather.. i cant help but want to be outside the whole time!!

Friday, April 17, 2009

the laws of attraction and love

Ive been thinking about this a lot lately. The law of attraction simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. Your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. Basically peoples thoughts both conscious and unconscious dictate the reality of our lives whether or not your aware of it. I guess it can work for you and against you in a sense. Does it mean that if you find relationships to be one of the hardest things in life then you attract relationships that are a lot of work ? Am i suppose to just keep thought of the things i want in a relationship and not concentrate on the whole waiting around and not having it NOW part? Should i be looking for someone who is like me and interested in the same things im interested in , or should i be looking for the opposite? I find it all very interesting how the universe works... Or is it just the thought process in which you finally realize what you want and change your ways.

I have also been thinking about the different things that i personally am attracted to. If you know me at all, i dont really have a type :) i dont migrate towards any certain type of guy like most girls do. So usually after a relationship ends i sit and ponder all of the reasons why i was drawn to this person in the first place. There is the simple band guy, then the humurous guy, then the very well off and money driven guy.... all things i love of coarse but just in different forms but lately ive noticed they all missed one key ingrediant.


I cant think of anything more attractive then a man being passionate about something. anything. I mean of coarse theres certain situations i could think of ... like porn... no thanks! But mostly everything. I dont care if its comic books, or horror movies... or music or sports. Its the compelling, enthusiasm or desire for something that just really makes me black out.

oh and i also love teeth. mmmm i can think of a few right now that make me light headed.

Sunday, April 5, 2009


For the last six or seven months i started to feel like i couldn't find happiness and that i probably never would again. I couldn't figure out where i was going wrong and why when i had everything i thought i wanted (at the time) wasn't enough. I felt lost and like i was stuck in a place that i didn't know how to get out of.

I finally did and i cant describe how much happier i am. I made some big changes in my life that at first i wasn't sure were right or not but was hopeful that in the end they would benefit me and im so glad that i did because i am the happiest now that i have been in a long, long time. I feel like i re-found myself all over again. I missed how much i love meeting new people and surrounding myself with the ones i love. I missed learning new things and growing with each new expierence. I missed laughing and appreciating the little things. I hated moving back to AG. I felt trapped like i had nothing to do and nowhere to go. I had no privacy living with my parents and i felt like they were breathing down my neck every second of the day. It's funny how a situation can change so much by just changing your attitude. I love it now. I love every single thing about it. I love the quietness at night time, i love the fresh air in the mornings and waking up to see my mom every single day ( not forever but for now :) ) i love walking into a place and re-hashing memories with my best friends from highschool. I could definietly see myself staying here for the rest of my life and just MAYBE raising a family here.

I promised myself that i would have as much fun as i can between now and when i start nursing school in a month and i have been having a blast! I love my friends and how funny and loving they are. I really am LUCKY to have them all in my life. I cant wait to see what this next year is going to bring me i feel free and and excited and passionate. i feel fabulous

Saturday, March 28, 2009

its official

I had a mandatory orientation tonight that was four hours long. I went into feeling very excited and confident and left feeling very frightened ! haha. Its going to be rough and rigorous but its going to be AMAZING. I cant wait.

Monday, March 16, 2009

crazy things are happening!

I GOT INTO NURSING SCHOOL!! i couldn't be more excited. If there was one thing i needed it was this! Things are really starting to look up. I was in a deep deep depression there for a while trying to figure out a new plan for the next year or so of my life until i could re apply. I feel sooooooooooo much pressure lifted off my shoulders! and what are the odds that both Kamylah and i would get in!!?? I am SOOOOO excited. I think for the first time in my life ive been on a natural high all day long and it feels amazing. Thank you to all of my friends for sticking with me through that weird time in my life where i was pretty much a waste of life i was so rottin! Im going to celebrate tomorrow with all of my friends i cant wait. This is exactly what i needed.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

its pouring in my life.

I have been debating posting a blog or not lately because ive been hesitant to talk about the things that are going on in my life with people who i dont know very well that read this, but i figure if you read this then you are a friend of mine. I shouldnt be worrying about what anyone thinks anyways, i guess i am just more scared to say it outloud ( being over the internet!) so ive made some huge life changes lately some of you know and some of you dont. I decided to move home. There have been some issues in my personal relationship with Jin Ho and we both decided that i should move out. There is a lot more to that but i wont discuss it on here! If your interested let me know! Anyways, its been so hard and so sad, i dont think i have ever been this emotional in my entire life. I also made a decision (sort of on a whim)to quit my job. There also were some things going on with that i also will not discuss on here! But all in all, it has been really hard. So this all happened within 48 hours and right when i thought i had hit rock bottom.. i got my nursing application back in the mail. I wasnt expecting it for another week and a half. MORE bad news. So i opened it up and basically the letter said that i didnt get excepted. So i of coarse was even more hysterical! crying so hard that i couldnt breath i thought i was going to throw up and for some reaoson my hands hurt really bad. I kept reading the letter and turns out the program only excepts 30 people and then the rest get put into a pool of waitlisted advocates. So theres 95 waitlisted advocates that they give numbers to and i keep reading on and im NUMBER TWO. So i called the director of admissions this morning and talked with her just to find out what the likelihood of getting in to the program was and she told me that the last couple of years she knows for a fact that atleast one and two got in. I dont want to get my hopes up because i dont want to be let down,but there is that little glimmer still there that may be what could be the best thing that has ever happened to me! If i dont get excepted then i will have to wait until next year same time to reapply. I am a HOT MESS i pretty much cry every ten minutes out of nowhere something will somewhere somehow make me cry. A huge wreck. Im sick over it all day long my stomach hurts and im not hungry.. and if you know me then you know how completely wrong that is. Im just trying to get through each day and hope that the next one might just be a little better. Thats all im going to write for now

Thursday, February 26, 2009

weird, weird dream

I had the craziest dream last night so i thought i would blog about it. It started off that Krista, Lori, Wiss, Cathy( Kristas mom) and i went to Vegas. For some weird reason we were planning on partying?!? even though both Lori and Krista are pregnant! who knows. Anyways, i remember being at some weird hotel room and Krista saying she was going to go find the hospitals a couple blocks away. The next thing i remember is someone calling me to run down there because Krista was in labor. When i got there she had already had the baby. First of all it looked like it was like 3 months old and like it was an exact mixture of Matt and Cathy haha. It looked really weird like it had a really synthetic looking wig on with hair past its shoulders! Then the next thing i remember is Lori walking out of the delivery room soaking wet naked with a towl around her and she was telling me she thought she was going into labor so she got in a delivery tub. Then all of the sudden she was on the bed and a nurse was checking her but in a really weird way. She was pushing really hard and fast on her uterus like she was doing super speed cpr on it or something and it was hurting Lori really bad. I think she was trying to make her go into labor or something? i dont know it was really weird and scary. Then all of the sudden my mom showed up and for some reason her and i were doing all of the after labor stuff. Like rinsing off the baby and making sure it was crying and breathing right! haha. So then we decided to walk home ( i guess Lori didnt give birth because only Krista had her baby) and it was just Lori, Krista and i this time and we walked past this weird river and saw kayaks by the side so we decided we wanted to go kayaking but there were no paddles so we were searching through all of this wood debris to make some.

and then i woke up!! Thank God. I dont think that dream could have gotten any weirder or scarier!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

when does the epidimic end!

i dont know if any of you watch the orange county housewives but the reunion was off the hook! i was laughing out loud half the show in COMPLETE SHOCK! I cant believe the whole story about Gretchen and her getting paid to take care of that old man!

Anyways, Ella ended up with the stomach flu Monday night so we are all crossing our fingers that none of us get it because we are all really excited to go to Disneyland this weekend so please PLEASE everyone pray for us that no one in my family falls ill! we need this vacation!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My dogs watching tv

Ok this video Kills me. My dogs love to watch tv!!! hahahaha and i caught them!

catch up!

Well i have had a rather eventful last couple of weeks! It was Julies wedding so that was pretty crazy. I had to be there at eight in the morning and i did eight people while i was there for six hours! I had to jam home really fast and go straight back for the actual wedding. By the time seven rolled around i was so tired i went straight home and passed out around ten! (which by the way is super early for me) Anyways were still in the rental and im still scared when nighttime rolls around! There are just to many damn hiding spaces i cant help it. The other house is coming along nicely we are pretty much right on schedule so far all we need is for the rain to stop so we can get moving on the add on part of the house. I will have to update the house pictures as its coming along. But for right now i have pictures from the past couple days!
Loris belly!!!!! front view ( im obsessed)
side view!!
Im pregnant!! jk i love that fake belly
buying nursing bras!! its all happening

i freaking love this picture its a perfect exacple of their personalities!!
Julies wedding
Rudianne and I! love her
These next couple of pictures are of Don and Maggie who i dearly love. Most of you know Maggie or at least have heard about her. We have worked next to each other the last three years and she just quit :( Don ( her husband) was diagnosed a couple months ago with lou gehrig's disease and i couldnt be more upset about it. I cant even talk about it without crying. Maggie just means so much to me and she is the absolute last person i would ever imagine something so tragic happening to. It just proves that bad things do happen to amazing people. I just wish it didnt. The picture i took above is of Maggie and Don holding hands during a really cool prayer at Julies wedding. I snuck it :)
haha i love this picture Maggie looks drunk! shes not
Isnt she a beauty!!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Ella <3

Im obsessed!!


Heather stayed the night this weekend and her hot pink lipstick stayed on all night!
Baby Owen such a smiley little lover
Brooke and Raf came up last weekend and saw the new house, look how big Bentley is compared to her!!
Haha the dogs got a bath at doggie day care and this is what they came home in! they are so cute
Ella has lipstick all over her face! my little princess
This is the cupcake that has been getting my through the remodel. Its the new red velvet starbucks cupcake, im obsessed
Daisy loves her daddy, she wont ever curl up on me like that!
and last but not least, she fell asleep like this. With her toy ( stick from the backyard) in her mouth. Shes nuts

Monday, February 9, 2009

new place

(Bentley and Daisy look like alien boxers!)
So we are in the new place... i have to admit at first i was totally freaked the f%ck out! but now i kind of love it. It's totally growing on me!I was going to post pictures but its too much work and even the pictures don't give it enough credit! I will do my best to describe it! So first of all you walk all the way up two flights up stairs to even get to the front door and when you come in its a little creepy looking.. well i think anyways. Its all red wood with walls that have big panels of red wood so it tends to look a little bit dark in here. It has really old light fixtures and in every room there are really cool vintage chandeliers. So downstairs theres the living room, dining room, kitchen and two bedrooms with a one full bathroom. Then upstairs is the master bedroom which is my favorite. You walk up this really narrow staircase with three flights of stairs and into a huge room that has a big loft and its own bathroom. Theres also a really neat balcony that i cant wait to go sit out on when the weather gets nicer and even MAYBE have a glass of wine out there! Its lined with windows so its really bright at night and really sunny in the morning ( which i like ). The bathroom has a jacuzzi tub and huge mirrors in it! Last night when it was raining it was really loud on the windows and the sliding glass door out to the balcony, it lolled me to sleep! There's also a big window at the top of the stairs where you can see the del monte cafe (my favorite place in town) its literally a hop and skip one street away. im obsessed!! But i think my favorite part about living here is being able to walk out of the door every morning and see my favorite building in all of san luis. I used to drive by it everyday on my way to school and now i can look out my window and see it right there. Its this really old brick building that is being renovated right now so its looking more and more beatiful each day! The dogs are having a field day running around like crazy with all of this empty space! I want to have a party here before we head back to our newly remodeled house( which by the way is ALREADY delayed one day into it with this rain! i think we might be in here longer then planned !) Since we dont have a dining room set yet, i was thinking about possibly putting a beer pong table in there! I know it seems pretty white trash but i think it would be fun for the time being here! i love beer pong! haha

anyways tomorrow im going to see my dads surgeon that did both his shoulders and his knee for my shoulder. wish me luck!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

A tribute to my little lovies

Thank you God for my little niece and nephew!!!!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009


A while ago Jin Ho decided he wanted to remodel the kitchen so we have been kind of looking more into it the last three months or so. He had a contractor come up here on Thursday this last week and when i got home he told me that night that instead of just remodeling the kitchen, now its going to be the whole house! Were going to extend the back of the house out, add another master bathroom and closets, all new wood floors, remodel the whole kitchen! its going to be nuts AND the craziest part of all is that they are going to start this monday! So we had just about four days to find a rental that allowed dogs and only for a couple months!( which is almost near impossible in slo) but low and behold Jin Ho found one. Its a three bedroom two bath house. We went to see it today and its nuts. Its huge for us! Its right downtown slo with all red hardwood floors. At first i was a little bit creeped out by it because its two stories and it kind of resembles a house that a scary movie could be filmed in because of all of the dark red wood and old chandaliers in every room... but i kind of loved it by the time we walked out. I would actually want to live there if we were still going to move. The dogs are going to go crazy having all the room to run around in!So now the problem is ... moving. Since we are getting all new floors BASICALLY we have to move the whole house out! and in one week??? I cant even begin to describe how much it stressed me out. My boyfriend is nuts. completely nuts. but i love him. I think what i love about him most is his spontanaety, we will never be bored :) once we are in i will post pictures.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

new car!

so a couple months ago i mentioned to Jin Ho that i would just love to drive an automatic considering ive driven a stick shift almost since i got my drivers license. So he assured me that i would be able to find my exact Mercedes just as an automatic around the same price. So since then we have looked at about four different car lots around here not including one that we tried negotiating with down south! Turns out no one wants my car!!! I bought my car about a year ago now and since then its value has gone down tremendously!!! Also the fact that its a manual doesnt help at all. So i was having a really hard time trying to sell this car right when Jin Ho told me he found a car that i had said i liked a while ago. So tonight we went to just go LOOK at it right.... and i drive home in a new car!! Nuts i know. We seriously walked in and the owner of the Cadillac dealership walked up to Jin Ho like he was one of his buddies and basically handed the car over to us within 45 minutes AND gave it to me at an amazing price so that i could keep my payments around the same price. I had forgotten that the last 3 cars Jin Ho has bought were from them so they were basically friends. So goodbye to my Mercedes C-230 Kompressor and Hello to my new Cadillac srx. here is a picture. Im excited

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


when i get REALLY upset i do one of two things:

Binge eat in the Mcdonalds parking lot.
Or Clean til i can no longer find anything else to clean.

Last night i ate a big mac, fries, and a 6 piece chicken mcnugget and now today i want to go jump off a cliff!

That felt good

Monday, January 26, 2009

Class, i know i know im so boring! but its all i do!

Things that bother me in school.

First off in my math class (mind you im in algebra its not hard) there is a girl that sits right next to me that shouts out answers. At first i didn't think it bugged because she he wasn't doing it for every answer. NOW she shouts out all of the wrong answers. I cant STAND IT!!!!!!! she needs to seriously BEAT IT!!

Then my next class. ohhh how i love world religions! not. My teacher is absolutly off his rocker. He is completly 100% dislexic, half delf, and almost blind... which are not the reasons why i dont like him but it definitely contributes because hes shouting the whole class. I feel like im at an auction because he talks so fast. And the worst thing of all.. i seriously have a hard time talking about it because half the time it makes me want to run out of the class and throw up everywhere. He has a saliva problem because seriously 98% of the whole class he has crazy white spit all over his lips that make spit strings every other second. There are not very many things that make me want to seriously barf, but this does. I dont know what im going to do because hes mean too! ahhhhhh. Just 6 or 7 more weeks of him i guess.

My last class is family relations which i actually like a lot! The teacher is super sweet and laid back which makes the end of my days much more peaceful. Im looking forward to learning more about the reasons why i am the way i am!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Huntington Beach!

I went to Huntington beach recently with Georgia and LB to visit a couple girlfriends and it was so much fun! Its been about a week or so and i keep wanting to go back! I was a little apprehensive to go because i have a hard time leaving my boyfriend and my dogs back at home... I realized i haven't done it since Ive lived with them! It was SOOOOOO nice though, not to say i didn't miss them a whole bunch, but to just be somewhere else and not have to worry about work or school was amazing. Plus we went to a couple really fun bars and ate the best food ive had in a long time two nights in a row! I also got to see Carly one day which was nice because we havent seen eachother in so long! I love love love Allie and Jessica. I want to go back and visit soon! I think if i was single and didnt have all of the good things i have now i would definitely live down there, i love that area!I decided that i want to do some sort of a tour around the world and go to all of the best dive bars in each town. Im obsessed with them! anyone wanna go with me?
Heres some pictures.This is the bombed out Italian food place we went to. Probably the best Italian food ive ever had! I still think about it all the time.
At HyRoys hahaha LB is drunk
Were at Johnnys right here and if i recall correctly were doing that thing were we all shake our faces really fast. ha
Johnnys had a million bath and body works lotions on the wall in the bathroom i thought it was crazy!!

Monday, January 19, 2009

I start school this week!and i almost died

On Saturday i worked til about three and my parents came up to meet me to go do a little shopping. So my dad went and sat and had coffee at Starbucks while my mom and I ran off to Victoria Secret. Anyways, we did our shopping and went back to find my dad sitting outside at one of those tables right across from the entrance/exit of Express. So we decided to sit down to take a little break until he finished his coffee. Well i don't know if anyone has noticed this before because i had never seen it in my life, but hanging directly centered above express is this huge cement decoration that is just part of the building. So were sitting ten fit away from that entrance and all of the sudden we hear this huge boom like a bomb had gone off and everyone started screaming. So i turn around to look and the huge piece of cement had FALLEN ! Cement was shattered everywhere. There were huge pieces all around our feet. The weirdest part about it is that if anyone one knows .. that little area right there is normally so crowded theres no where to sit and its hard to walk through! I mean it was a Saturday afternoon and it was hot! there were a million and a half people out shopping even my mom mentioned how crazy it was. At that exact moment no one was walking in or out or even standing right there! I turned back to look at my mom and her face was white and her hands were shaking.

It happened 2 days ago and i still think about it. It made me feel SO weird. I mean im sitting there with the two most important people in my life and it could have killed one of them. We were ten ft from it! I guess you go through life knowing that freak things like that do happen, but to SEE it happen so close to you and your loved ones makes you re-evaluate how important it is to have them in your life. I left and went home afterwards and kept having this urge to call my parents and make sure they were ok and tell them i love them!

Anyways, on a better note i start school this week again! Im excited because im getting back on track one more step closer to my career, and not excited because ive been enjoying this break so much! Only a month and a half til i find out if i got excepted into the program!

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Well Vanessa inspired me to write our story about how we met considering we are a tiny bit random :)and everyone always asks! So here it is!

I had become really good friends with a couple of girls who were friends with one of the bartenders from black sheep (Rich) So we would go in there ALL the time (this was when i was going out a lot). I became semi-good friends with him so we all started hanging out. The first time we hung out was when Rich invited us over to his house late Thanksgiving evening to hang out and drink some wine. Jin Ho was there but we never really got introduced and we didn't even talk. I really just didn't even care who he was! sad, i know. Then we had this brilliant idea that we would start a bowling team , so we decided every Wednesday night we would go to Cal Poly to bowl. Jin Ho was of coarse invited so he was always there. We kinda just started to get to know eachother through that at first, and then later on from going out together. I remember thinking he was SO funny, and thats a plus for me! I got to know him a little better and we started hanging out a lot. I started noticing that he had his shit together which is not normal for me to date someone of that kind. He was smart, funny, owned his own house, dressed nice, it was all new to me so i liked it! Shortly after pretty much only knowing eachother for a month or so he asked me out on a date. It was fun but the food was really bad! Ill never forget what he said to me that night though. He was talking about a certain dance that i did after i bowled a strike that he saw me do and he " knew that he loved me right then" hahahaha. Im pretty sure i was riding it like a cowboy. Anyways now were in love. Im tired of writing cause i dont feel good!

The End

Monday, January 5, 2009

Its a small town afterall

I had a really fun weekend. I got to go to dinner with Lori the first night and I went to Ralph and Duanes two nights in a row!and it was fun! For the most part. It's out of character for me because most of the time i just find myself not having a good time while i am there. I think a lot of it has to do with seeing everybody that i went to highschool with every single time. Most of them are haters that think they are super cool! I wonder what growing up in a small town can do to make someone feel so cool? You would think that being so close with everyone and knowing most of the people would make you want to be friendly because you see them so much. Instead everyone pretends to like you but really they dont! I found that out a while ago, i wish i could have found out sooner!

While i was down there I found out some unnecessary drama one of the nights, which was interesting! Apparently two girls that i have never spoken one word two in my entire life talk shit about me on a regular basis!( i found out through a friend that hangs out with them sometimes) It's so petty and i dont personally care, but i think what bothered me the most is the fact that they blatently stared at me all night long trying to be obvious! Well throughout the night i had some tempting moments where i wanted to just be a bitch and call them out, but the reason i bring it up is because my New Years resolution is to not open my mouth anymore. I am honest a lot of the time and it only gets me into trouble. So the best i can do is just keep my mouth shut and avoid situations like that from now on!

Happy 2009, im hoping for a good year, with some good luck!