i know i haven't written on here for a long time, but my life has basically gone to shit since i started nursing school. Things have been o.k lately. Not great. Nursing school is like nothing Ive ever experienced before. Its a roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes its great and im so excited to be learning all of these interesting things, then the next second i could be hysterically crying.
Clinical has been an interesting journey as well. I had a patient last week who changed my life. Shes an 89 yr old female who's chart said "combative", well turned out that was the least of my problems. I went in to wake her up in the morning and assess her and it immediately started.
" GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
" WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS DO AROUND HERE, NOTHING!!"
" YOUR FAT
" I CANT EVEN STAND LOOKING AT YOU YOUR SO DAMN HOMELY!!!"
" I WISH I COULD SMEAR SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FACE"
screaming, punching , kicking, pinching, throwing things... you name it, she did it.
Frail, mean, nasty old lady.
I was determined though, i was not even about to give up. Although she thought she could do everything herself?, she needed help. Dementia was her main diagnosis and a lot of them think they live their lives totally independent when the truth is they are completely dependent. Therefor she didn't think she needed help nor wanted it. It took me and one other girl to get her ready and up in her w/c 45 minutes later. So finally we got her off to breakfast but i knew i had to go back in and ask her questions and assess her. Well, that didn't go over so well either! More fighting and name calling... but towards the end she started becoming a little vulnerable. Turns out she has to eat all of her meals in her room because shes no longer allowed in the dining room due to being combative to the other patients. So i would go in and sit with her while she ate, whether she liked it or not. I wanted to find out a little bit more about her life, if she had family, if she was married... etc. Well it turned out her husband had died many years ago, she had no children, no grand children and no one visits her. She sits in her room , all day, by herself, doesn't watch tv, and doesn't have any hobbies.
Turned out the more time i spent with her, the more she would enjoy my company and be a little more accepting of me. Well i had her for a couple long days and by the end, i loved her. In such a short period of time she taught me so many different things about how i want to live my life. She truly truly is just so lonely and sad that she takes it out by being mean to everyone around her. The more time is spent with her, the happier she was. She started telling me how she enjoys my company, and how she has spent so many meals alone that she likes me to come sit with her. I dont have her as my patient anymore, but i still go visit her. Today i stayed an extra hour at clinic just to go sit and talk with her. She claimed she remembered me, but i dont think she did :) but she sure was happy to have me in there spending time with her. Sometimes i wish i could just write in her care plan to have someone go visit with her for an hour every day i could almost guarantee that it would make the rest of her life just a little bit better. I love her, and i hope to spend as much time with her as i can before im through with my work there because if theres one thing i want to walk away with, its knowing that i made a difference in someones life while i was there.
As lonely, and sad, and happy, and miserable, and hysterical nursing has left me...
ultimately it has changed me , and for the better. and i plan on being the best i can be when this is all said and done.oh and having a life again :)