Sunday, June 21, 2009

each new day.

Turns out i did really good on my speech, im way excited. If you know me, you know how much i LOATHE public speaking. My voice starts shaking, i cant pronounce words correctly, my cards are shaking in my hands... its just a hot mess. For some weird reason i just felt totally fine. I rolled through it like i had done it a million times! This weekend was ok. Although tonight is technically my Sat night.. but it sort of sucks because everyone has to work tomorrow so i don't end up doing anything. I have been better... not crying every ten minutes on the dot... but i do still feel lonely. Tonight especially.. i moved into a new room in my parents house thats way bigger so i have more space.. but its also a little scary for me. I guess all i want in life right now is some normalcy.. if that's a word! Im tired of moving and feeling scared and uncomfortable. A little part of me wishes that i still lived on Palm st in SLO because although it was crowded and loud and at times terrible, at least it was still all familiar to me. Its so weird how i lived in this house for years and years, yet tonight i feel like its my first night all over again. I like change, but not change like this.

Each new day brings new beginnings, and things are getting a little bit better.

Last night my moms dog ran away. Her baby. We were up all night looking for her til 4 in the morning. I seriously dont even think that my mom slept. Then early this morning she went around posting signs everywhere. Today we took a walk and i drove up and down the street, up all of the driveways and nothing. Still nothing. It just doesnt seem real. My mom has been crying on and off all day i feel so bad for her. I feel like ive been such a wreck and shes been so good to me, and now i dont know how to support her. They are also remodeling the whole front of the house and its a crazy mess in there. I KNOW that stresses her out. I just feel really, really bad and i wish i could make her feel better.

Thats all for now.

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