Friday, January 28, 2011

lately

Ive been feeling AN IMENSE amount of stress. Between moving, getting a new job and Bruiser ( which feels like i have a baby... at least an idea of what it might be like) i feel like a ticking time bomb!! Im just on edge all the time :( . I feel just awful for the people around me. I cried the other night to Alex just saying how i feel like right now in my life im having a hard time getting a long with everyone, including him. Thank God he is so patient with me because i dont know if anyone else would be! I just really need to focus on making things better for myself and getting things in order. Getting the job has definitely helped already. I felt so much stress off my shoulders immediately. I got hired on with the Santa Maria Bonita School District which is such a HUGE blessing. Its a great job and pays great. Not to mention it will look really awesome on my resume for the future, or the fact that i have summers off?? how cool is that!  I have to be honest, its not exactly where i envisioned myself right now as a nurse, but i will take what ever comes my way because ive come to the conclusion that its Gods plan for me. I start this week. I also move this week.. cool! Im just taking it one day at a time and enjoying it as much as i can.

Also, if you've been feeling sad, or stressed out lately something that really helps me a lot that Alex actually figured out is putting Disney songs on pandora!! The sound of music just came on and i think made my whole weekend!!!!!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

he makes me laugh

video

moving,nursing,the bad movie, bruiser eating dukes, the christmas tree .... Alex.

I was sitting here asking Alex what i should write about and he listed off all of these things that i for some reason couldn't think of... then it donned on me... oh ya....

i wanna write about him.

I think i have yet to really blog a lot about Alex and I because for so long things were rocky, but i assure you, things have changed.  I have learned a lot during all of the weird, messed up, funny relationships ive encountered over the years, but not like what i have learned through him in one year.

I met him through a couple of people a little over a year ago now, just thinking... sure we can be friends..seems cool enough! He was WEIRD, and kept to himself mostly, and i thought at the time          ( which turned out not to be true) was into one of my friends. He would grace us with his presence.. hang out for about an hour.. and then turn in for the night. I never got it! He always claimed he was going home to " paint".. i of course didn't believe him.  I would text him every now and then and he wouldn't respond for at least a couple days! Mind you on his Nokia that was 1st generation....( weird in itself considering he works at apple!) We became friends slowly and would randomly hang out IF he could drag himself away for a couple hours from this so called digital painting.  Mostly we would go on for about a week before we saw each other but managed to talk on the phone almost every single night for hours.  I found him to be interesting.... and then he became funny..... and then became funny and interesting... and really really cool.

Well what started as talking on the phone and seeing each other every now and then, turned into seeing each other almost everyday and lots of "getting to know each other" conversations... but HE WOULDN'T DATE ME!!! ahhh it was pure torture. I did NOT get it!  He wanted me around... didn't want me to date other guys, but wouldn't date me!  Finally after a couple miserable arguments later and pictures some idiot sent me on my phone, he wanted to date me.  From there on out, things sort of went downhill........sadly.

We fought and fought and .... unfortunately fought more!! We just simply could NOT speak the same language.  He had come from a miserable relationship, I had come from a miserable relationship, and both of us are stubborn as all get out. ( not the best combo)  We could break up , get back together, fight, break up, get back together  and the cycle went on.  Finally i graduated, moved out and had an apartment of my own and we both were put in a situation where we were forced to live together and FORCED to figure out if it was going to work or not, and how ?  I wondered how could you fix something that had been broken so many times. How can you force someone to listen when they just don't hear you ? Mind you , we both felt that way.... but no matter what happened, the second he would walk out that door, i wanted him back.  I only knew ONE thing, and that was that i needed him.

He's taught him so many things about myself, the good.. and of course, the bad.  Things i love and things ive hated for years but no one has had the guts to tell me.  Feelings ive kept in the dark my whole life.  A new way to love, accept and take responsibly.. and i think the best part about it, is that its mutual.  When we met each other, we were both in very dark places. Places we didn't necessarily want to come out of.. and most definitely didn't want to change for anyone else, but i think it was fate. I think we needed each other to find out what we really were missing in ourselves and find out what we wanted in someone else.  I feel love for him that ive never felt for anyone in my life.  I finally feel like we are in a place of happiness, love, and constant growing.  We have those moments where your talking with someone and hes listening  to me  tell a story and  you look over at eachother and just smile!! <--- not sure if anyone gets that. haha but i do.

Hes sitting on the couch right now with Bruiser ( for some reason Bruisers a trader and wanted to lay with him.. rude!) . Kind of makes my heart hurt cause i love them both so much. I asked him what hes doing and of coarse hes looking up pictures of the north pole on his phone... why didnt i know that? freak! i laughed... oh the reasons why i love him. He just said " im looking up the south pole now, but why am i getting pictures of black people?" hahaha.

my little freaky family= love.

the cuteness masks the amounts of mass destruction

Friday, January 14, 2011

Bruiser

This is Bruiser. The new addition to my life.