i lied

bad WEEK.

bad day

I hate bad days. School is wearing me OUT. I mean with school, work, two boxers, and a boyfriend who doesn't know one thing about a simple apology, things can just plain suck sometimes. I hate having this feeling where you are upset but you don't want to talk to anyone about it, and you don't want to see anyone you know, but yet you don't really want to be alone. I mean , where in the hell is that going to get you ? Knowing me probably just sitting either in my car parked somewhere , or at Starbucks for a LONG time. Ive been going through some rough times lately. Friends just aren't really pulling through, relationships are hard and confusing, i guess its just a reminder that I cant really count on anyone but myself at this point. I need to just concentrate on school so i can finish and be able to support myself. I did find out a couple good news today though, i skipped class on Thursday and it turned out class was canceled anyways so i didn't miss anything! I also got my grade in math today and i have a 93.6%.

Everyone is Sick!!!!

Everyone is sick! including me now :( boo. Ive been trying my hardest to stay away from all of the flu/sickly people, but all i can think about the whole time im sitting in a desk at school is how many germs are all over them! On top of being sick, i have been switching birth controls the last year or so trying to find the right one and i finally decided about 2 months ago to give my body a break for a little bit. Well i started my period and man i forgot what it was like to just have a normal period. It ROCKED my world, i thought i had the stomach flu! Turned out i just needed some advil and a long nap. I did also get my flu shot last week and i usually somehow end up getting sick within a week or so of getting the flu shot every year. Well my dad SWEARS on his life that its not from the shot! Ive been learning all about that sort of thing though and im beginning to think he could possibly be wrong! I would way rather have that flu shot though then the full blown flu! So to everyone who is sick or has been , i feel your pain!

Halloween!!

So today we decided to be festive and we headed down to the Avila Valley Barn, which i still cant decide was a good idea or not! The crowds were crazy!! and we brought Daisy and Bentley too! I decided because i love my sister Taryn so much i would carve my pumpkin in honor of her and her love for the Twilight series ( as much as i hate it!) So here is the documentation!

Bentley was hard at work the whole time trying to eat every piece of pumpkin he could get!



We carved on our back porch.



Daisy hard at work!



i styled my hair for the festive activities!! doesn't it look nice?



Jin Ho's pumpkin is off the hook CLEARLY.

If you cant tell my pumpkin is a vampire going in for a bite on the neck! i free styled those stars by the way!

Oh i also put up some decorative orange lights in honor of the holiday! Our house looks so cute i love it.

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So all my life my dad has been getting shoulder surgeries and knee surgeries that require him to have multiple stitches. Pretty much every time he would ask me if i wanted to take them out for him! well knowing me, usually i did! I loved doing things like that. I remember one time he had a big shoulder surgery and came home with tons of staples all down his shoulder that he let me take out and i loved every second of it!! Well last night he came home with our flu shots. So of coarse in the family line up i go first ( if you know my family, i usually go first when dad brings home the scary shots from work) and right afterward he turned to me and said, "ok ,now you give me mine". I got soo nervous! Im not sure if it was because it was my dad and hes the doctor so i didnt want to mess up in front of him , or if it was because i just had never done it! So he yelled at me for a minute or so and finally i just did it. Well when i was done i was begging everyone else if they would let me do theirs too! I mean if i can be excited about giving my first shot, what is it going to be like helping deliver that baby!?

Oh another thing. I know my last blog was a little negative. I just was feeling really angry last night after reading a couple things, but i want all you moms around me to know that this was not about you. You guys are all very inspiring to me.

to all of you women

My mom is the most amazing mom. She did everything she could possibly do to give Taryn and i a good life. She went through a 9 month accelerated nursing program ( which would normally take two years) JUST to support us. work work work, thats all she did. I just think about some women out there that dont even work, they have a husband that works and yet they still think that life just sucks. They complain about having kids and being pregnant and all of the negative aspects of life, things that dont matter( well to most thankful people). Think about the things you DO have. Think about the single moms who deal with loneliness, isolation, frustration and finances every single day of their lives. Think about the women who long to have babies but psychically can not have a child and feel like they are no good to a man. Think about the women who go to work every single day, all day long and MISS their children so terribly bad that they ACHE to see them. Think about the women who would give an arm and a leg JUST to be pregnant and have that one baby theyve always dreamed of.
be THANKFUL for what you have.

The single women working hard to support their children,
The women who cant psychially have babies but are still so positive and awesome,
The women who APPRECIATE everything they have,
THESE are women to be praised.

I am really thankful to have such an amazing mom, ive learned a lot from her and i could only hope i can be just as good as she is one day.

oh school.. and Halloween!

Lately i have been really stressing out about school. I know for a lot of people school comes easy, but for me it just doesn't! I have to try really really hard, i mean give it everything ive got to do well. So FAR im half way through the semester and i am actually doing pretty well. I guess my hardest problem is finding a balance. Right now im taking English,Math and Biology. I have english twice a week, math three times a week, and bio once a week ( i go for four hours, i know yikes). Most of the time i concentrate on english and math because they both give me so much homework. Considering i only have bio once a week, i dont really think about it that much other then when i have an exam and i FREAK out because i dont know anything! I got lucky i have a really great teacher in bio. He lectures pretty much the whole three hours and on top of it he comes in an hour early to help me understand things a little bit better.

So i knew in english and math i have A's but i thought for sure i had atleast a D or an F in bio because my last exam i bombed! Well this exam i did pretty good and i just checked my grade online and im up to a B-! i almost cried happy tears. Im sure for most of you this is a boring post, but for me this is my life right now! I NEED to get good grades to get into this program! Oh yes which brings me back to submitting my application for nursing school tomorrow! everyone be praying please :)

On a better note! I cant wait for Halloween! Ive been meaning to stop by and get some pumpkins for Jin Ho and i to carve! Tonight i stopped by Old Navy to pick up Ellas halloween Costume which by the way is sooooo freaking cute im not going to spoil it for everyone though!! and it reminded me how i need to get my own costume!! This year im going to the All Hallows Eve Bash at Native! I cant wait!!! Dj flight is going to dj, hes our friend and one of the best djs ever, an ourdoor ice bar, live psychics( which i will be running from because im not into that!!)an outdoor hookah lounge,special effects and costume contests!!! Its going to be soo much fun! I think Brenda and i are going to be Indians! I really need to get on that!